


Introspection

by artifactstorageroom3_archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-26
Updated: 2009-08-26
Packaged: 2019-06-13 03:57:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15355707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artifactstorageroom3_archivist/pseuds/artifactstorageroom3_archivist
Summary: Jim considers what to do with his girlfriend when he realizes that he’d rather just hang out with Sandburg.





	Introspection

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Elaine, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Artifact Storage Room 3](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Artifact_Storage_Room_3) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Artifact Storage Room 3’s collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/artifactstorageroom3/profile).
> 
> **Author's notes:**
> 
> This is a sequel to my fic “Love Play” While is advisable to read that fic first, you probably won’t be too confused if you don’t. Also, while the original was supposed to be a one shot and this was supposed to be the ‘fix-it’ fic, there will be a smaller ‘ending’ piece to this because, well, I felt like it.

Something is wrong with me. 

It all started a few weeks ago when Sandburg came home a little earlier than I expected, and he caught me making out with Maureen. 

Pretty Lady Maureen, real smart, and she doesn’t have a criminal record either. I know; I check these days. 

But, it isn’t Maureen that’s got me all worked up, well not exactly. See, ever since Blair came home that night he’s acted very strangely around her. Well, strange for Sandburg anyway. Whenever she would call he would hand the phone to me so quickly that I started to think that he’d developed a telephone-phobia. I wonder if there really is such a thing. Probably is. Hell there’s probably a phobia for fear of bubblegum too. If there is, I’m sure that Sandburg would know the name of it.

I… I think I know what it is, and I’m bothered by it. I’m not sure why I’m bothered by it mind you. Rather, I should be bothered by it, but I’m not bothered by it for the right reasons. I think. Hell, maybe I am bothered by it for the right reasons. I wouldn’t know because I’m not really sure what my issue is. 

Yes, I’m perfectly aware that of the irony that only Blair would follow the particular chain of nonsense that I just spouted.

Okay, see here’s the thing: I think that Blair has a little bit of a crush on Maureen. I remember a distinct whiff of pheromones when he came home and caught me with her, and he’s been avoiding her ever since. I’m the big bad boyfriend. I should be bothered by this, right? My best bud is harboring hard-ons for my girl, and I should be livid about that. He’s got a whole ocean of co-eds to screw, and he wants my girl?

But there’s a part of me that really doesn’t care if Sandburg has a jones for Maureen. It whispers at me that I should just let him have her because it’s Sandburg, and their relationship would be over in a matter of days, and I wouldn’t have to worry about the whole mess anymore. I’d be the injured party, right? So I wouldn’t have to do the dirty work of breaking up with my girlfriend, and Sandburg would get a whole guilt complex going. I could live with a few weeks of Blair bowing to my every whim while he works off his karmic debt.

I’m fairly certain that Maureen would go for it. She’s asked enough questions about Blair that I know that she’s past interested and edging into infatuated. She likes them ambitious and smart. While I’m no slouch in either department, I can admit that Sandburg outclasses me by miles. I can’t even say that I’m better looking per se. I know that I’m a ‘total hunk’ as far as most of the world is concerned, but Sandburg doesn’t get passed over all that often. If he was taller, it would be an even rarer occurrence, but he isn’t, and I’m perversely happy about people’s strange obsession with height.

So, you know, I’m bothered by the whole thing because, well I’m not bothered by it. It actually sounds like a great plan. That is just plain wrong, you know?

I mean, hell, I almost want my best bud to have a fling with my girlfriend because it will make my life better in the long run. And really, what kind of logic is that? My life is better when my friend is wallowing in guilt. Says a bunch about how great a guy I am doesn’t it?

I need to talk to somebody about this, but the only person that I could possibly discuss this with is Sandburg himself. I cannot stress how much I don’t want this ending up in his dissertation. It’s, it’s slightly psychotic almost, and I think that Barnes gave him enough information on psychotic sentinel phenomena. Or is that phenomenon? Gah. 

Of course, the fact that it is wrong hasn’t motivated me to haul my ass up out of my truck and up to the loft where Maureen is currently waiting for me with Sandburg. I haven’t been using my senses to spy on them, but I’ve been giving them both enough time to start something. Seems that my subconscious desires are overriding my moral center, because I’m really, really hoping that I’ll find them in a compromising position when I finally mosey on up there. 

Once that act is committed I know that Maureen is too classy a lady to try to see either me or Sandburg again. She’ll feel embarrassed and ashamed. Blair isn’t the type to give up on a relationship, so he’ll spend his time trying to repair our friendship. I’ll have his undivided attention, and there won’t be a girlfriend between the two of us for weeks.

God, I really am a bastard.

There is this part of me that freaks out every time that Sandburg finds a new woman. He might have been raised to be the free spirited roamer, but that guy has homebody stamped all over him. He wants to settle down and be stuck somewhere for the rest of his life. I personally think it is his own form of rebellion against his mother. 

But, the point is, he wants to build a nest somewhere and one of these days he’s going to find the right woman who will want to give him five little, curly haired hellions. And he’ll finish this whole sentinel thing and get a job playing professor at some college somewhere, and I’ll be alone again.

That is, of course, assuming I don’t kill the woman before she takes him from me.

See? I told you that something isn’t right with me.

I’ve never been this possessive of a person before. It is like there is this little bug inside of me that shouts ‘MINE’ when I’m near Sandburg. I think it’s why I have to keep touching him. Not to feel him with my senses, no, but to put my scent on him. To display to all who are looking that I have the right to touch him, that we’re close enough that I can do that.

Blair would try to pass the need off as a byproduct of my past. He’d say that I’ve been rejected so many times that I’m paranoid about keeping those I love close to me.

Ouch.

Damn, you know, I try really hard not to think about that. How much I… Okay, see I told Sandburg and Simon that I loved them. But, I mean, both times that Simon was shot I went to the hospital and visited him. When Sandburg gets hurt I haunt the recovery room. It is different… very, very different. There are times that I feel like part of me is just going to cease to exist if Blair isn’t just plain with me all the time. 

I want, I want to make him happy. I want to just keep things the way that they are for the rest of our lives. I want to be seventy and wake up to the sound of Sandburg starting the blender to make his algae shake. 

I also want to quit thinking about this, so I force myself out of the truck and being the quick trek to my home.

I’ll admit that I’m quiet when I approach the door. I’ll also admit that I could’ve made like a herd of elephants, and it wouldn’t have made a difference. The look that Sandburg is giving Maureen when I get in the loft is certainly not one of desire.

He looks surly, petulant, envious, and sad. Of course, this is all covered up with a fake smile and some exaggerated hand gestures as he’s telling Maureen some tall tale about some tribe somewhere.

I doubt that she’s noticed the look in his eyes. Blair, on the other hand, certainly noticed the look in mine, because he suddenly finds the floor really fascinating.

“Jim, you’re late.” Maureen comments to me in a cheery manner. She’s not mad that I’m late. She’s a real sport like that. 

“Yeah, I had some stuff come up on a case.” I lie back to her in the raspiest tone that I can manage.

“You sound horrible.” She instantly worries.

I hear Sandburg choke back a snort. He knows what I sound like when I’m sick or worn out, and he knows this isn’t it. 

“Not feeling too good.” I lie again.

“Oh,” now she sounds disappointed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll just take some stuff, and we can go.” I assure her in my very best ‘boyfriend’ tone. I can see the guilt flash across her face. The earnest boyfriend routine is a foolproof way to make sure that your date doesn’t suspect that you’re ditching her because it is all her idea that you stay home.

Sandburg might be a talented liar, but when it comes to being manipulative in a relationship? I am the king. Granted, I learned all my tricks from women that have screwed me over, but hey, it works.

“Oh, Jim, no. I know you’ve got that big court case coming up, we can reschedule. Besides, Blair made me a snack while I was waiting. I’ll just grab something on the way home. You rest up and feel better.” She practically orders as she kisses me on the cheek, grabs her coat and makes her way out the door.

Sandburg is staring at me like I’m from Mars.

“What?” I snap at him.

“You just gave Maureen the brush off.”

“So?” I ask as I walk over to the couch and plop down on it.

“So, nothing. I just… thought you two were really going somewhere is all. This isn’t, I mean, I’m not getting in the way here am I?” He stutters as he follows over to perch on the armrest on the other end of the sofa.

Getting in the way? Sandburg’s mind goes strange places sometimes.

“No, Sandburg, I just didn’t feel like going out on another meaningless date.” I’m surprised at the sheer amount of truth that comes out of my mouth. 

From the look on his face so is Sandburg.

“I thought you two were getting pretty serious.” He sounds funny when he says that.

“Yeah, me too.” I admit. Because, well, we were getting pretty serious, but when you get serious with a woman, she tends to want to move in with you. And most women don’t want your best friend living there too. And that would sort of put a cramp in my retirement plans of having breakfast with Sandburg every morning.

“So, you two are going to break-up?”

Wait, hold on, that was definitely hope in Blair’s voice. I’m not sure I like that. If I break-up with her, and it’s amicable, then he’s not going to feel guilty about going out with her, and she is very good wife material.  Unless, of course, I make the split unfriendly… I can do that. Like I said, I’m a bastard.

“Probably,” I confirm, “I don’t think she’s going to be too happy about it though.”

“Oh,” Blair says, but damn he sounds even more chipper now.

“‘Oh’?” I ask because now I’m just plain confused.

“Well, yeah, ‘oh.’ It’s one of those things that you say when you don’t have anything else to say, you know?”

“You sound very happy about this.” I accuse.

He shifts and looks uncomfortable for a minute, but try as he might to look otherwise, the man is practically glowing over there. 

“I just, you know, I don’t think you were clicking. You’re better off as friends. Like Caroline.”

“My love life tanks, and you’re happy about it?”

“No, man, not happy just relieved. I mean, I didn’t want to say anything, but I don’t think you’re all that compatible. You’re too similar. You need somebody to shake you up, you know?”

Yeah, I know, Chief. I know when I’m getting buffaloed. Your mother must’ve been seeing the right psychic when she gave you the initials ‘BS.’

“Uh huh,” I say with an admittedly skeptical look on my face.

“‘Uh huh’?” Blair parrots my earlier question. Or is that mimics? Probably mimics. Parroting is more of a direct quote isn’t it?

“Just something people say, Chief.” I snot back to him.

“You don’t believe me.” He sounds stunned. I’m not sure why. I mean, I live with the guy. I know him pretty damn well.

“I don’t, because I know when you’re lying.”

“Really? I mean, do I have a tell? Is it my heartbeat? My respiration?”

“No. I just know. And don’t try to change the subject. I want to know why you’re so happy that I’m about to end another relationship over here.”

“I’m not happy.” He declares defiantly. The excited little wiggle he’s doing makes a complete liar out of him. Sandburg has a cute wiggle. It starts at his bottom and just sort of ripples up through him. 

This is bizarre to say the least. I can handle it though. This isn’t the first case that seemed straightforward at first only to take a strange turn. I’d stick with my original assumption that Blair wants Maureen except that he’s staring at me like some adoring puppy dog right now. If he was thinking about hounding after my ex, he’d be asking some leading questions to find out how pissed I’d be at him if he tried it.

So obviously the pheromone thing was some sort of anomaly. It could be. I’m a guy. I’ve had my motor rev at me unexpectedly. It could’ve been that he was already primed when he came home that night, and it was just a blip that embarrassed him. 

That would be believable if he was the kind of guy to get embarrassed about sex. But this is the guy who didn’t realize that he shouldn’t take notes on his love life let alone share those notes with his girlfriend. If his attraction was just some fluke, he wouldn’t have started his avoidance tactics. 

Unless… No. No that is just plain ludicrous. Sandburg’s compass points north. Constantly north. Obsessively north. 

But the part of me that isn’t his friend or his sentinel, the part of me that is a Cascade Police Department detective, that part is telling me that I have to consider what the clues are telling me. Okay, well, I can do that. It’ll only take a couple of moments to prove to myself how insane I’m apparently getting. 

It isn’t hard to catch Blair’s gaze with my own. He tilts his head quizzically, but doesn’t say anything. I stare into his eyes for a moment, before slowly twitching my lips into a small smile. That used to drive Caro crazy with lust.

If the way Sandburg’s heart rate shoots off the charts is any indication, I just came close to giving the poor guy a coronary. And to my shock, it is completely the ‘good’ kind of coronary. Not the ‘Oh God My Landlord Is Hitting On Me’ kind. 

Shit. Now he’s grinning at me and blushing and glowing and growing. Yes, growing. Never flirt with an anthropologist; they’re trained to read these situations correctly. He also isn’t saying anything which kind of puts me in a bind. I didn’t really plan on him actually having this reaction, so I’m going to have to wing this. That isn’t exactly my specialty in relationships. Yeah, I can come up with something on the spur of the moment when I’m getting shot at or assaulted, but my forte in love is pretty much finding a soul mate who decides to dump me and become a criminal.

Sandburg rolls his eyes at me before he ungracefully scoots off the armrest and sidles up next to me on the couch proper. 

“You’re going to make me do the hard work, aren’t you?” The grousing is real, but he sounds so damn happy that it sort of loses its effectiveness.

“I…” Okay, so I’m doing a trout impersonation here. It isn’t that I don’t want this, but I’m not sure what this is. I mean, I’m pretty sure this means that Sandburg is agreeable to the algae shakes when I’m seventy plan, but I’m thinking he’s looking at more physical activities to wake me up in the morning.  Which, you know, wouldn’t be bad. Not bad at all. Sandburg, well, he’s really nice looking in the morning. Very earthy. I like earthy. I’m a woodsy kinda guy.

“You didn’t mean it?” Blair purrs at me. Yes, purrs, and suddenly I know why he’s so popular with the ladies because he is stroking my forearm with just the right pressure, and blood is heading south really fast.

“You’re distracting me.” I croak at him as I pull his hand away from my arm, but somehow that is worse, because now we’re holding hands, and I am on the verge of spouting the kind of romantic nonsense that had Caro laughing at me on our wedding night.

“Turnabout is fair play, man. You’ve been driving me crazy for weeks.”

Oh, now that isn’t fair. I didn’t know he was over in his little room lusting away after me. I’m not mean. I would’ve… Okay, so I’m not sure what I would’ve done. I’m not sure what I’m doing now. I know the overall objective is to keep Blair all to myself, but I’m not really sure how to reach that particular goal. I could use a training manual.

“I don’t sleep with guys who aren’t in love with me.” I tell him. Great, now I sound like some strange prude.

Sandburg laughs at that. “ _You_ don’t sleep with guys at all.”

“Yeah, well, maybe that’s why.” I say defensively.

“Mmm, well, if we’re sharing secrets, I don’t sleep with guys because it doesn’t seem worth the hassle of getting the shit beaten out of you for being a queer. But I’ve been told that love is different from sex, so I could make an exception for you.”

“Oh,” I gasp like some dramatic heroine. Fantastic. 

“Jim, man, a little, ‘I love you too,’ would be a real good answer about now.”

“You… I… Blair,” I mutter before I’m kissing him and pushing him down on the couch and yeah, I’m apparently fondling the goods too. Straight man to gay sex addict in thirty minutes.

“Jim,” Blair moans at me when I release his mouth.

“Don’t tell me to do slow. I’m not good with slow.” I beg him.

He laughs at me and gives a little shove. I reluctantly acquiesce and pull myself back into a seated position.

“We have known each other for over three years. That is like the definition of glacially slow.” He points out as he tries to adjust himself in his jeans. I don’t look away. I mean, what is the point? I just had my hand down there anyway.

“Jim, man, you’re really obvious when you want sex.”

“Yeah,” I agree because he doesn’t really sound upset about that at all, and that bulge in his pants is beyond fascinating. It just plain is attractive for some reason, and the smell is fantastic. I’m pretty sure I’m going to want to suck on it if I can get Sandburg out of his pants. 

“Jim!” Blair’s shocked voice informs me that my mouth just let him know about my willingness to perform oral sex acts.  

“What?”

“I’m not sleeping with you when you haven’t even broken up with your girlfriend yet.”

Oh that. Damn. I’d say something, but he’s right. I won’t dirty the start of our intimate relationship by making it an affair.

“Okay, so I’ll call Maureen, and…”

“And you’ll make a lunch date with her for tomorrow so you can let her down like a gentleman instead of breaking up over the phone.” 

“Blair,” I whine because I’m horny, and he’s right there, and I’m going to have to smell him all night. 

“You call. I’m going to go take a cold shower.” He orders me. 

“I love you.” I tell him softly.

“You don’t play fair.” He retorts before giving me a quick peck on the lips. “Call her,” he instructs me again as he pushed the phone at me.

“Yes, dear,” I mutter as he walks away, and I begin to dial Maureen’s number.

As the phone begins to ring, I take a moment to be amazed and confused at how quickly my entire world has spun around. Then I decide that introspection is really Sandburg’s deal anyway.


End file.
